hellfyreak:

omgrunlol:

powerlesbian:

today i learned domesticated talking birds that escape are teaching wild talking birds expletives that sometimes become that flock’s group call

can you imagine being out on a nature walk and randomly hearing a group of birds screaming HEY ASSHOLE

oh my god

Time to buy a hundred cockatiels.

sherlockvowsontheriverstyx:

ryannxp:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

omfg

i like how he said he’s in the movie as if he’s an extra and not the main character and also crhis fucking evans

maceson:

pervocracy:

Everyone knows that on Uber/Lyft you should always give the driver five stars unless they, like, drive the car into the ocean or something, right?  You can’t say “the ride was fine, nothing special, so I gave them three stars,” because the company will punish them for being anything less than perfect.

Well, you should know that the same rule goes for any kind of customer service survey.  Unless they service you received was unacceptable, give them 5/5 or 10/10 or whatever.  It’s annoying, because it ruins the sensitivity of the survey, but it’s how it’s gotta be.  9/10 gets treated like a problem and 6/10 gets treated like a disaster.   Understand this and do the workers a favor by grading easy.

at a place i use to work anything less than the highest score on those surveys was actually counted as a zero

bearymcbearface:

karoliciousbanberry:

bree-3po:

desbreaux:

I don’t get why people hate immigrants so much… Like they’re literally just… People… From another location….

My partner is an immigrant from the UK and still holds his citizenship. At a recent event, an acquaintance talked about how many “immigrants” get jobs over “Canadians” and they shouldn’t allowed to be management (which my partner is). My partner reaches across the table and goes “Hi, immigrant here!” and she goes “Oh I didn’t mean immigrants like you…” And you can so tell they just mean “brown people” or “Asian people” but they pretend it’s about jobs and shit.

That’s the same with my family. We were war immigrants from the soviet union and now live in Germany. Now the syrians are here because they also have war, and people keep asking me why I’m defending them so mercilessly. And when I tell them that my family (that is still alive) has gone through the same bullshit. But they insist that both scenarios are completely different. They’re not different, you’re just racist.

THEY’RE NOT DIFFERENT. YOU’RE JUST RACIST.

noknightinarmor:

peteseeger:

thecringeandwincefactory:

killmomger:

A white woman in San Francisco calls the police on an 8 year old black girl selling water bottles outside her apartment building. She does this because the girl has ‘no permit’.

“Now known virally as #PermitPatty, Ettel has two master’s degrees, one in urban planning, owns a medical marijuana business, was an equity trader and was a Brookings Institution researcher.”

Could this be more stereotypical? She owns a business that was legitimized only in the past couple of years to the exclusion of every Black person rotting away in prison who made money the same way. I could scream.

iirc her “medical marijuana” business isn’t officially licensed

what an asshole.

holographicsneakers:

I’m sorry but I still can’t buy that Hellsing takes place in 1999 I refuse to fucking believe that while Spongebob was premiering and Avril Lavigne was making her debut Alucard was out here devouring London get the fuck away from me